Just when is too young to start sex education? I ask this not because I am vexed by the hoo-hah in the papers this weekend about whether or not schools should give out more condoms / fewer condoms / no condoms at all, pretend sex doesn’t exist and teach tapestry and how to bake macaroons instead, but because my daughter, all of four, is starting to ask QUESTIONS.
E.g. Mum where do babies come from?
Me: John Lewis.
Millie: Are you sure?
Me: Er… (crosses fingers behind back) yes.
Millie: Can you get me one?
Me. No. Not until you are at least thirty-five and only if you find a man and marry him.
Millie: I will marry Freddie (six years old and only interested in Daleks and Tai Kwon Do).
Me: That is nice.
Millie: Can you have a baby?
Me: No, they are annoying and cry and are sick a lot.
Millie: Maybe I don’t want a baby.
Me: Excellent. Good idea.
Millie: But what if Freddie wants a baby? I will run away and hide in the den. But not in the bit where Catherine did a poo (two years old, likes to poo outdoors, also in love with Freddie).
Me: Brilliant. I think that went well.
So that is sex education done. Until she is at least eleven. Then I will leave it to Miss Beadle and her plastic penis model to explain it all. Or maybe she can do tapestry instead.